Grateful

Yes, I am grateful today.

For the last 2 weeks,  it’s felt like both my parents are dying.  And In my head I was preparing.

My dad was in the hospital with bronchitis that was also “cardiac asthma” aka heart failure.  He was having wheezing and coughing fits that lasted 20-40 minutes.

My mother was having an angiogram to make sure she was a candidate for an aortic valve replacement.

My mind played scenes of my mother dying during the procedure and myself moving my father and his caregiver into my home…and how that would impact his dementia and general poor condition.

Yes, I know my parents are 90 and 89 and it’s a miracle I still have them.  Whenever it happens, it’s awful.  I’m not the only one to lose a parent, I’m not unique. I know that too. But grief is very individual, and personal, and no one should ever judge yours. Guard it and protect it. Your most lovable companions will get it, no matter how crazy you act.

So waking up today (the angiogram was yesterday) and realizing I “missed” 20 emails from patients yesterday?  That’s cool. I apologized to every one of them. My brain feels like mush, but I was able to enjoy Zumba this morning, just laughing and enjoying life today. I’m looking foward to the fog of the bottle of wine I began drinking yesterday afternoon once I got home to unwind clears- I know it would have been better to do something else however I did what I needed to do, and my dad must be a cat which means he has another 5 lives to go, and my mom is still healthy, amazing. What a miracle!

I can’t help but feel grateful today. Namaste.

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